A week since I landed and began the Georgia Adventure. I mentioned in a facebook post that I felt energetically sort of confused, and that my body was trying to carefully attune to the new environment. Today’s walk took this to a new level of clarity and relaxation.
I thought that I was going for an energetic half hour walk in the sun – for exercise and to feel some warmth, a respite from the cold and the rain of the past week. As soon as I was outside, however, my body wanted to slow down. I couldn’t walk fast. Pulled to walk slowly, I found myself observing… without any object in particular. It was a sense of allowing, letting in, being receptive which felt easy and natural.
After a time, I noticed my attention drawn to different places. First it was the earth. I put my hands down on a piece of earth covered in pine needles, with a few patches of green clover and some little weeds peeking through. Squatting as I lay my hands on her, I felt the earth giving information to me – knowledge transmitted in the secret language without words or symbols that my body/being understands. I felt my being receiving this mother-wisdom, and I felt not separate from her. It was so simple and natural, like light flows into dark, and water flows downhill. As if I were a baby in the womb and my mother’s body was in communion with mine, offering me the space and time and place and love in which to flourish.
I noticed an ant traveling on a piece of grass and felt the sameness and difference of his ant-body/being (what is the right word for this?) as compared with a Bay Area ant-body/being.
Then I saw the trees.They are so different than the trees of my beloved Bay. There was a small, thin tree covered in vines, which felt like a natural extension of the place where my hands had been. My vision shifted to a telephone pole.
Even the moss covered telephone pole felt like it belonged. It
had been in communion with the earth for some time, and so they were also not two.
I moved down the street and saw a sign in a person’s yard. I felt very sad when I saw that sign, and I started to dismiss it. Then, realizing the dismissal, I opened up to the sadness of the sign and saw/felt a deep grief going back generations. I don’t know who, what or why. I just let it be.
Soon my attention was drawn to a rosemary bush which, upon my asking, offered a sprig of new growth to inhale, and I received her essence as it washed through me.
A friend suggested that I commune with the land here and ask for permission to taste/touch/smell/walk on, so I did that. I asked a piece of land if I could walk on her, feel her under my feet. She said yes, and it was soft, cushiony, pleasurable, and I felt myself becoming more in tune with the land/space here.
When I told my mom I felt “out of sorts” a few days ago, just after arriving, she said to me, “find a puddle and stomp in it, then smear some mud on your face!” Now to many of my Bay Area friends, that might not sound too strange. But coming from Marilyn, my fabulous, very traditional, New York mother, it’s outrageous. Sometimes the depth of her mother-wisdom and ability to be dialed in is very surprising. The next day she apologized to me and said she hoped I wasn’t angry or upset that she said that… I told her no, I wasn’t. And I appreciated it.
After my walk I had a video call with a friend from home. Instantly I was in tears without knowing why. As the tears flowed, I became aware that my energy body was feeling the comfort of the familiar, and all of the layers and levels of things that means to me, via his Bay Area body. Communication between our being/bodies felt like they were sharing new information. Samuel put my experience into words when he said to me “you’re an exchange student in a foreign land.” Yes.
And all of that is only one aspect of this exciting adventure. Diving into my practice group (here a week!) has been like being in a microwave oven… internal components are being shaken up and heated… In just the first week, I’ve come to visit these unexpected layers:
- a deeper healing and relaxation of my mother wound,
- a pattern (from 2 years of age) of stubborn refusal to accept nourishment from caregivers
- the powerlessness of being a victim of the universe (feels like a lifelong underlying pattern), and
- utter confusion, creating
- a dysfunctional paralysis.
Can’t wait to see what next week brings. 🙂